I'm Not Enough

A New Year. A clean new page, a fresh start. Blog posts and Instagram pictures about resolutions—diets, spending more time with God, organizing—I love it all. I’ve always loved Mondays for the clean slate, even though I may be the only person in the world who feels that way.

 This year I haven’t had any great revelations about what I might “resolve” to change, but I do have 2 words

  1)Present—as in, being present. Putting down my phone and ipad, and really focusing on my kids throughout the day. As a Mom home with littles all day, I crave connection with my family and friends. Something outside my kitchen walls or my laundry room. My sisters and best friends have groups texts going constantly and I’m so thankful for the words that fly back and forth throughout the day. Pictures,  videos, outfit opinions, good talks--just as if we were all together.

 But I have little people at home who crave my attention too, so I’m determined to put my phone down more and really be present for these fleeting childhood years. I don’t want to have regrets!

2)Trust—Trusting God. Everyone, including me, is going through something. Each of our trials are different and all of us (mainly ME) has to trust that God has it all under control. He doesn’t need me to try to “fix” anything, make people like me, or defend myself to anyone. He has it under control and will work it out better than I could ever dream.

 He knows the plans for our lives and what is best for us. I just need to calmly trust, without reservation or worry.

  I see people’s pictures online. You know the ones that have it all together. The Mom’s who are seemingly perfect. Their houses are pristine and the kids wear adorable outfits and their hair is always done. Then there is me. I go to take a picture and have to figure out an angle that you can’t see the heap of laundry in the corner and the toys strewn all over. The “distracting elements” as they are called in photography and it’s almost impossible to  find a sliver of somewhere halfway decent . “I’m not enough," I think to myself all the time. I wasn’t cut out to be a mom of MSC (many small children). My house is always a mess, my diet has gone out the window for the 4^th time this week, we didn’t do math today so we have to double up tomorrow, Nathan has taken off his clothes for the 4^th time today, and I’m pulling frozen chicken out of the freezer at 4 when we are supposed to eat at 5.

 You know what?

 I’m not enough.  I will never be enough. But God is enough. That is where my trust will lie—that is where I am learning to let go and let God use me to be the perfect Mom my kids need.

Enough ramblings.....

 onto the good stuff!

New matching suits (thanks to Christmas clearance!)

Back to school

 (see the bags under my eyes? They're Prada. I wear them proudly)

He discovered his toes last week and it was all kinds of adorableness. There really isn't a cuter milestone in my opinion!

I was right around her age when my dad (yes, my dad) gave us our first cooking lesson. I remember it well. We made Zhucinni parmesan. We sliced and dipped and breaded and spread and sprinkled and baked. While we haven't had an official cooking lesson, she's learning new things several times a week. How to carefully slice with a knife, how to set things carefully in hot pans and how to tell when things are done. She loves it, and I love the quality time together! 

Joe loves to get in on it too, and even though he's a bit younger he's still a big help!

So, what are your resolutions this year? Do you have a "word" of the year? I would love to read about it in the comments!

 Happy Friday! Stay warm!