Dear Brooklynne {Eight}

Dear Brooklynne,

 You've been eight for almost a month now, but I am just getting a chance to sit down and write you a birthday letter. Part of me still can't comprehend you being 8, because I vividly remember being that age and it seems like not too long ago. Hard to believe it was 20 years ago... what?

 Anyway, your birthday fell on Memorial Day this year which was also the day after Molly died. It rained most of the day which seemed fitting for the Little family and their greif and they were heavy on our hearts. However, I wanted to cherish the day because we never know if we have tomorrow and it was even more magnified on your birthday. Your cousins slept over the night before and everyone came over the next day. Since it was raining, we watched movies, sprawled out in various rooms in the house. When it came time to do cake (actually, the key lime pie that you requested) and presents, you beamed shyly, loving every minute. Everyone sang to you and we oohed and aahed over your presents.

 You have changed so much this year, maturing and growing into such a sweet young lady. School changed you a lot; it was a great experience for you. Watching you at this age, changing and maturing so quickly, makes me more aware of my own faults. Although I remember bits and pieces over the years, so many of my childhood memories really started around age 8. Which makes me realize that you'll remember so much now, and that hits me like a ton of bricks. You'll remember my faults, and that scares me. You'll also start realizing (if you haven't already) that Mommy and Daddy are not perfect. My burning desire for you is that when we let you down, you will turn to your Heavenly Father who will never let you down. That you will develop your own yearning to truly know our Saviour and serve him because of your love of him--not because daddy and I want you to.

 8 years ago you made me a Mom, and I love to tell you the story of how happy I was when you were born. Waiting 9 long months to hear daddy say, "IT'S A GIRL"! was the most amazing experience and I will never forget it.
  You have continued to make me so happy every day since then. You have always been so easy to parent with your sweet, easy going spirit. You are such a great big sister and help to me around the house. You are a servant, a quality that has been passed down from daddy to you. 

 You are missing your two front teeth right now and it is the cutest thing I've ever seen. You're an excellent reader and have beautiful penmanship. 

 You make daddy and I so happy and proud to be your parents. We love you so much!

 Love,

 Mommy 

The Perfect Fried Egg (Father's Day, 2015)

I originally posted this in 2011, but since all of my thoughts ring true today I wanted to repost it now. Truth be told, my egg frying skills have improved a little over the past few years, but he's still the master. ;)

Dad,

 Almost every time I fry an egg I think of you. I think of the most amazing breakfast's you make us--the potatoes with just the right amount of grease and crispiness, the bacon cooked to perfection, toast lathered with butter and of course the ever perfect fried egg. To this day I can't cook them right. I flip them too early or too late and when I do, they fold into a weird shape and the yolk runs out into the pan. As I dump the blob of what used to be an egg onto my plate I wonder if I'll ever be able to cook them like you do.

 There are a lot of other things I wonder if I'll ever be able to do like you. I wonder if I'll ever be able to look at anything and put a spiritual application into it. I wonder if I'll ever have the boldness to declare the name of Jesus Christ like you do.  I wonder if I'll have the walk with God like you do, and the heart to help people like you do. 

 I wonder if you know what an impact the missions trips, special meetings all over the country, the street preaching, door knocking, prayer meetings, devotions and family rap sessions had on my life. I wonder if you know how much I loved our heart-to-heart talks, hung on every word, and even when I disagreed,  look back now and think, "he was right."

 I wonder if you know how much I appreciate and admire the love and passion you have for my Mom, even after 27 years of marriage. I wonder if you remember the best birthday of my life--when I turned 17. You woke me up at 5 in the morning after driving an hour in the snow to come back from the men's meeting and take me out to breakfast. For the next few hours we talked and laughed and I thought, "I can't believe he came back for my birthday". 

 Just 3 years later, I took your arm, the doors opened and the crowd stood as the bridal march was played. It was all a blur but I remember thinking, "this is the day I've dreamed of. My daddy is walking me down the aisle....these are my last moments with him." You gave me away to the new man in my life. My new authority, the one who would take care of me now. I wonder how hard that was for you but I know you were  content knowing it was God's will.

 Now we live thousands of miles apart but our hearts are more bonded than ever, cherishing the emails, phone calls and visits. And I know that this sounds cliche', but no matter how far apart we are, you're always so close to my heart.
 Today, I watched as my little girl sat and waited while her daddy cooked her a fried egg sandwich. She ate it with abandon, the same way I would eat your eggs. Maybe someday she'll write a love letter to him, remembering the eggs, the talks, the trips. I can only pray they have the same relationship that we have.
 I love you, dad. I wish I could be with you on this Father's Day, just like I wish I could be with you on every Father's Day. But for now this will have to do.

 Always your little girl,

 Jen

Modest Mondays: Summery Sundays

My sister has been here for about a week now, and we were able to sneak away for a few days for a girls weekend with our best friend and two of her friends (who quickly became great friends to us, as well). We had theee best time ever. My amazing husband watched ALL SIX of our kids without one hiccup... seriously, he's incredible.

 Needless to say, we did a lot of shopping and were able to pick up a few staple items for super cheap, and combined with pieces I already had it made a really nice Sunday outfit! I love layering in the summer when I can. I love how blazers dress up outfits, but it's really hot here, so finding this short sleeved one in my favorite colors was definitely a win ;).

This is my first time wearing a peplum style top, and I really liked it. I love how feminine the combination of cream and lace is!

I wear the shoes I mentioned here all.the.time... best purchase ever.

Outfit Details:

Blazer: Thrifted

Pink Statement Necklace: Local Boutique ($4!)

Cream Peplum Top: Platos Closet (highly, highly recommend this store!)

Skirt: Ross

Shoes: Ross (Clarks)

Is your House a Mess or is your Home a Mess?

One of the biggest struggle to me in every day motherhood is finding the balance between the kids and the house. If the house is messy, it's hard to enjoy time with the kids, but when I'm cleaning, I'm missing out on spending time with them. It's an endless circle of needing my sanity and not having stuff piled everywhere, but also feeling guilty about not spending enough time with my babies.

  How do you find the balance? Routines, schedules and planning helps, but I haven't found anything that worked great for me. Our lives are very busy with church, school and activities so schedules don't always work out.

 Here is what I'm learning, thanks to some really wise things my parents said last month when they were here that stuck with me.
 Instead of thinking, "I'm going crazy, the house is a mess,"
 I've been trying to think, "how is my home?"

 Is there a general sense of cheerfulness and joy in our home? Are we treating each other with kindness? Am I being patient and loving to the kids even when I don't want to? If so, the pile of laundry on the couch and the crumbs on the kitchen floor are ok, because we have the important stuff covered.

 When people are coming over and I'm cleaning, I get stressed out very easily. I become snappy with  my husband and the kids because I want everything perfect. I'm working hard to change, to focus on what is really important and realize that people really don't care if our home is immaculate. While I can't say that I won't do that again (because no one is perfect) I'm trying to let go. If it's not immaculately perfect, well, you know what? I have 4 kids that I'm raising, they make messes and people totally understand that.

 My sister in law and the kids came over the other day and, naturally, I was trying to straighten up before she got here. The laundry pile on the couch was neglected and she literally walked in the door, sat down, and started folding my laundry. Not a word spoken about it, just us chatting about life. She's a Mom of 5 and she gets it. Instead of stressing over the mess, I knew I had done the best I could and she picked up the slack, while our 9 children ran around happily.

 Next time you're stressing about the house, ask yourself how your home is. If your home is a mess, take a deep breath, regroup, change your attitude and the kids will follow suit.

 Enjoy these days, Mamas. It's up to us to keep the spirit of our home joyful and looking to Jesus!